It’s a bloody cool television!
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It’s a bloody cool television! If you follow me on Twitter, you would have seen a particular tweet about me commenting on how people seem to stick to me on the train. It is a ridiculous situation, really. No matter where I stand, be it in the middle of the train, in the small space between cabins, or near the far-side door, people are bound to crowd in with me. The first time it happened, I had thought that the empty standing area on the train was haunted. But when it happens nearly everyday of my train-commuting life, I have reasons to believe that I’m somehow a human magnet. Which is a strange occurrence, because I’m neither female nor gay. Even the ladies on the train do that. If they can’t find a seat, they would cross over all the empty areas and free stanchion bars, just to stand right next to me. Me? I just give them a weird expression, and inch over to the next uncrowded area, whereupon everybody boarding at the next station would close in on, and put me right back at square one. I’ve this hypothesis that somehow, I’m emitting pheromones that seem to attract people who can’t find seats in trains. The alternative involves the theory that we’re all moist robots with pre-programmed actions, and it’s an intentional act that my programming on where to stand coincides with 90% of all other moist robots standing on the train. At any rate, it can be a scarring experience, especially when you take into account the hygiene practices of certain groups of people. I won’t single out anybody, but I feel that we need a campaign to encourage people to shower more frequently than they think they need. (Hint: if you think you don’t need that shower, chances are you probably need one. Try taking your hint from the faces on your fellow commuters.) Seriously, when some people expire, they expire the entire cabin, and I end up choking because these people follow the same programming as everybody else and get attracted to stand next to me. It’s already bad enough that I get choked by 60 assorted perfumes, colognes and deodourants on the morning train. To have to suffer from the literal chemical warfare in the evening makes me think about investing in a gas mask. But since wearing a gas mask on the train automatically singles you out as a potential terrorist, I would be subject to stricter checks. The train security personnel would more likely want to check my bags, just to confirm that I’m not some maniac about to gas the entire train. (Oh wait, you mean we aren’t already being gassed everyday on the train?) No thanks, I’ll stick to politely pretending not to choke on the deadly mix of organic chemicals in the train, and think fervently about driving a personal car in the future. At least I would have more freedom in what chemicals I gag myself with in my own vehicle! |